You’re tired of being the only one who has read the parenting books. You listen to the podcasts. You talk to friends about parenting strategies. And your partner has done… well, nothing. You put the book on the nightstand and they don’t read it. You text them an audio to listen to and they don’t. You’re frustrated and feel undermined because they aren’t reinforcing your parenting strategies.

(I’m gonna get a little cishet here as I delve in to some research and experience focusing on straight, monogomous, male-female couples; though the topic below relates to all kinds of relationships.)

Why is this happening? Can it be stopped?

There is a way to feel more like a team. You can be on the same page with your partner. But first we have to get to what’s behind this problem. Otherwise you just keep fighting about surface level problems and don’t get anywhere new.

It’s Sunday night, you’re getting ready for the week, you’ve got your plan, everything’s laid out.

Monday goes by without a hitch.

And then by Tuesday you feel like you’re doing this on your own. You’re picking up the pieces, literally, in the form of clothes on the floor, without any help. You’re scrambling to get lunches packed in the morning, and shoes on screaming toddlers as you’re trying to get out the door.

Thursday you might just homeschool to avoid the mess.

It’s Friday, and by god you definitely do not feel in love.

How it is we can go from “ready and optimistic” to “broken down” in one week? How can we start the week feeling connected, and end the week yelling about dishes in the sink?

The truth is (I really really hate to admit this) I honestly thought I was right 95% of the time. I grew up in a family where I definitely had a sense there was a “right” way to do things and a “wrong” way to do things. I prided myself on doing things well and getting things “right.” So when I got married I was shocked that my partner seemed to think he, too, was right when clearly he was going about a lot of things all wrong.