Is Your Happiness Sabotaged by High Chore Expectations? 3 Questions to ask to figure it out

Most women know what it’s like to have a husband who is slacking on doing the chores.

Picture this: it’s Saturday morning and you’re tidying up the house and feeding the kids and your partner is watching sports. You can feel the resentfulness creeping in.  “Why does he assume I’ll feed the kids?” you wonder.  You are not alone. 

In today’s post, I’m going to teach you the three questions to ask yourself to help you figure out the perpetual question: “Is my partner slacking or are my standards are too high?” 

Keep reading to see what the answer is for you.

You might find yourself wondering why you are always the one packing the diaper bag in anticipation of the outing, or the one making lunch on the weekends.  You feel like you’re doing everything these days, and have noticed that you’re feeling resentful because of it.  Are your expectations too high?  Or is he just too lazy?  And why is it so hard to know if you’re asking too much?!  It can feel crazy making.

I’m going to walk you through the three signs to look for that will help you figure out if it’s you, or your partner, or some combination of both. 

Understanding these patterns is the way you can feel less resentful, more connected, and get more help around the house.

Question 1: Would I want my best friend’s partner to treat them this way?

Sometimes we make ourselves the exception to the rule.  You might find that your expectations for what you deserve are much lower for yourself than everyone else.  Imagine your best friend in your situation.  Would you be telling them they deserve more help?  Would you be frustrated on their behalf?  If you answered yes to any of those, it’s a great indication that your expectations ARE NOT too high.

Question 2: When you complain about your partner, do you use the phrase “my way” or “the right way”?

The problem with being really good at getting things done well is that you might expect others to be as good as you are. Often you might find yourself saying things like, “Why can’t he just do the dishes the right way?” The problem is, that (don’t hate me) your way isn’t necesarily the right way. Yes, it might be an awesome way of doing it. And yes, you are good at getting shit done. But… what if this is actually a super skill of yours that others don’t have?

Using the words “my way” and “the right way” is a tip off that you’re expecting your partner to do things as well as you do.  Instead of thinking about who your partner is and their skills, you’re comparing your partner to your skills.  If you’ve taken my Chore Personality quiz you know that Chore Visionaries are especially amazing at planning, organizing and getting shit done, and can fall into the comparison trap… and if doing things well is your super skill… not everyone is going to match up.

Question 3: Have you asked them to do it?

You might have the idea that if your partner loves you, they’ll notice what you need.  We are often taught from movies and books that when you find your partner, they’ll be able to anticipate what you need.  Unfortunately, that’s often not the case.  And, if you identify as a woman, you’ve likely absorbed some messages that you really should put your OWN needs on the backburner and not ask for what you really want.

Um, can you see this recipe for disaster? We’re taught that people will automatically know our needs and do them if they love us AND we can’t ask for what we need. (Yeah, sucks.)

So, if your answer is “no, I haven’t asked them to do it” then I’m afraid it might indicate your expectations for your partner helping with chores aren’t realistic.

Are you a Chore Visionary? Remember that you have a super skill of knowing that others need and anticipating it.  You might find yourself forgetting this is a super skill of yours, and assume everyone can do it.  Remember, a big part of happiness with your partner will be you explicitly asking for what you need.

Are you curious to find out about how your Chore Personality affects your relationship?  Take my QUIZ to learn more about your strengths, and how to get the most out of your relationship!